Let's Help Out

Okay, so we all know by now that what happened in the Visayas was a tragedy. The full story is still being pieced together, but the picture that's unfolding is not very pretty.

I would like to encourage everyone who comes across this post to help out. I really hope it's in a big way, because, really, small things count, but they really need more. But, hey, we help in our little ways, don't we?

I have this link bookmarked: http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/issues/disasters/43300-reliefph-victims-typhoon-yolanda-help

It contains information on some places where relief donations are being consolidated, and/or how to donate if you're overseas. 

Let's all do our share.

Meaning

The harder one seeks, the emptier one's cup becomes. 
So one ponders in one corner to conserve energy.
Maybe a burst of inspiration comes
In the form of a word, a phrase, a memory
Or simply, the nagging sense that one has to go on.
And, as with all things transcendental,
One questions the outcome
But doubt in this sense
Is not in the same plane as faith.

Repeat ad nauseum.

Typhoon Sendong Relief

Photo courtesy of http://iamjammed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/satellite.gif

I have come out of my semi-retirement from blogging to encourage (rather, appeal to) everyone to spread the word and about how to help (not to mention actually help) the victims in the recent wake of Typhoon Sendong over Mindanao.

Just a few useful links:

Iligan Bloggers - 

http://iliganbloggers.com/food/one-for-iligan-help-the-typhoon-sendong-victims/

Philippine Red Cross and Cebuana Lhuillier - https://www.facebook.com/phredcross/posts/338043636221052

Let's do something meaningful this Christmas.

Remembering Steve Jobs

Photo courtesy of https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/312811_10150340210013608_180256858607_7903536_2113424720_n.jpg

I know not a few people who don't understand the world's fascination with Steve Jobs.

I can't say I'm a die hard Apple fan because I've always been more of a value-for-money kind of guy than a flashy gadget techie.  Despite that, I still own a couple of Apple products, both of which occupy a particularly meaningful place in my life.  But, really, it's more than just these products.

I'm affected by this man because he stands as the testament that one should never give up.  Life can throw you so many curve balls.  Sometimes, a few of those are bound to hit you.  And you pick yourself up each time.

He dropped out of college.  A lot of us would probably consider that a big failure.  But, he turned this into an opportunity.  He used his time studying calligraphy.  A pretty non-practical field of study, if you ask me.  He used this skill into making what was then a revolutionary typeface that eventually became the standard for fonts in computers when he co-founded Apple.

But, that was not the last of the curveballs to hit him.

In 1985, he was forced out of Apple because of disagreements over the company's strategy.  A lot of people counted him out then.  What can you do when you're forced out of something that you were responsible for?  His answer was, to create something new entirely.  He went on to acquire that money making machine we owe a lot of laughs (and a few tears too) that is called Pixar.  He also acquired a company called NeXT.  It was this move that would lead him back to the Apple boardroom when the merger of NeXT and Apple was finalized in 1997.

And we all know (somewhat) what happens next.

So, on behalf of those of us you have inspired, be it because of innovation or the sheer depth of your life, thank you, Steve.  You will be remembered.  

The Cheater Magnet

Photo courtesy of http://images5.cpcache.com/product/109581965v5_480x480_Front.jpg

So I've been coming cross cheaters lately.  I'm not sure why.  If you knew me, you'd know that cheating is a pet peeve.  And yet, most of the guys I've been talking to these past few weeks/months have been cheaters.  I really don't mind as much as I did, back when I was actively looking for a relationship.  It's just a bit disconcerting to note this fact now.  Maybe I'm being given signs about fidelity in relationships?  Maybe I'm being reminded about loyalty?  Or maybe, just maybe, I'm meant to direct these guys to the right path.  If it's the last one, let me let out one big UGH.  Seriously.  I've had enough.


On a lighter note, in the words of Carmi Martin from the trailer of the upcoming Star Cinema film, No Other Woman: "Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo, maraming snatcher.  Maagawan ka.  Lumaban ka."

Perspective

Photo from AJ's Twitter Account: http://a1.twimg.com/profile_images/1152005923/ajernie_reasonably_small.jpg

I never met AJ.  In fact, I hardly knew the guy.  Save for the fact that I read his blog, which was one of the first gay blogs I ever read.  I found him inspiring in a way especially since what he wrote about resonated with me.  I found out about his condition in MGG, one of the first gay blogs I read, too.  I don't remember where I found out that AJ had passed on.  All I know is that, I felt a certain sense of loss with his passing.  I know what I feel can't possibly compare to what his family and friends must be feeling.  Still, I would like to think that, like a "familiar stranger," he was a part of my life.

Before I move on, I would like to point out that his family is asking for volunteers to contribute to a fund for him.  Details can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/fundsforAJ?sk=info.  If you have something to spare, then please do contribute.  It will be much appreciated.

As I did not know AJ, I can't conceivably write a tribute.  Instead, I will focus on an aspect of his life that touched mine: his blog entries.  Today, I would like to recall something he wrote last year, just as he was about to turn 28.  He died two days shy of his 29th birthday this year.  This post is something that I have long held true.  Never mind that I will probably don't share his "over enthusiasm" for one's finer qualities.  The thought is still there.  With his passing, the search for love in my life has been given a whole new perspective.  AJ, when all this is no more than just a passing dream, I will shake your hand.

Full post here: http://baklaako.com/resources/why-no-one-wants-to-date-me/

Why No One Wants to Date Me

I'm single and happy.  I'm single and it's a choice.  


I used to think that having a boyfriend was the be-all and end-all of my being gay.  I used to sleep around too much thinking that I would finally find that someone who can make me happy.  After  few failed relationships and used condoms, I finally found that person – MYSELF!
I have since realized that the only person who can give me happiness the way I want it, is no one else but myself. So now I’m overflowing with love and happiness – from myself, my friends and my family.  There is nothing wrong with being single.  I am a single, content, confident and happy woman, err man.


So here’s one thing I realized this year:  No one wanted to date me because I was so full of myself.  My online dating profiles intimidated many. Why, you ask?  Read the following contests (written in 2006) from one of my online profiles:

ABOUT ME I just want to find that someone who can make me feel needed and wanted, while at the same time make me want and need him. I want to find that someone who can shut me up with a kiss whenever I go on rambling and talking relentlessly. I want to find that someone who can laugh at me and laugh with me. I want to find that someone who can tell me pointblank and in an in-your-face manner that I am wrong, if I ever am. I want to find that someone with whom I can face each and everyday with hope and a wanting for a brighter day ahead. And I just want to find that someone who, without any explanation, or beyond reason, can look me in the eye and tell me he loves me… (or that I am a jerk, if this need ever arises). If you get bored easily with a hell of a lot of text, then you might wanna skip this. I talk a lot and I often speak my mind. I can be very shallow and extremely deep when it comes to conversations. I can talk about anything and everything under the sun (sometimes I make sense, sometimes I don’t.) I have the tendency to want to be needed. Sometimes, I have the “Savior” complex. I just want to save the world, or at the very least, people. (But we all know this is not possible) I am a man who: *loves a good laugh *is kept alive by humor *believes that everything happens for a reason. *is a people-pleaser *loves subjecting self to martyrdom *smokes. Lucky Strike Filters. *can be a snob.but can be friendly at the same time. *at times is a loner. but blends in with any group of people. *loves coffee *has no regrets in life *is straight-acting and discreet I am also a man who: *hates liars and pretenders. *hates people who ask for passwords when they can’t give you anything short of a g4m default no-pic profile site. *f***ing hates missed calls. *hates people who do not have face pics to offer (i have to see the facade that holds your brain. I wanna see your eyes so I may be able to see through to your soul) *gives more value to a face picture than a naked one *hates social climbers

And that’s just the About Me portion. I used to believe that I was so good a catch that I had the gall to require the people who asked me out to subscribe to my standards. Some of these things are still true about me until today. But now, I don’t really care much, if at all. At one point in my life, I came to realize that the universe did not, does not, and will never revolve around me.  And that's when it finally hit me: no one wants to date an intimidating prick like I was before.

Being Undead, Gay, and Loving It

Photo courtesy of http://www.noypitayo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/zombading-150x150.jpg

I'd been meaning to watch Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington ever since I chanced upon trailers of the movie in IRC many months back.  I visited the Facebook fan page dutifully, but there never was really an update as to when it will be shown.  Finally, I got wind of it again in Cinemalaya, but Cinemalaya 2011 came and went, (but I never did.  Sigh.) and I still hadn't caught the movie.  Thankfully, the movie proved enduringly popular enough for me to catch it when I did, which was already very very late in the game.

I really don't intend this to be a movie review.  I find the whole process of reviewing films (at least formally) a little too tedious for my taste.  Probably the many reports I had to do back in my student life left a poor taste in my mouth.  Anyway, I'd like to talk about what my expectations of the movie were, and how I feel, now that I have finally seen it on the big screen.

Early into the movie, I realized that this movie was slightly different from your typical comedy.  It began to seem like a veiled commentary on contemporary Philippine homosexuality.  From then on, I expected the movie to have a redeeming message.  Perhaps, say, one of equality and acceptance?  Eventually, the movie veered into related, yet somehow, indirect, territory.  And this is, also, where the spoilers start.  You have been warned.

The Importance of Owning a Passport

Photo courtesy of http://farm1.static.flickr.com/26/101443399_d3db6c6f3c.jpg

(Reblogging from the Lonely Planet blog): http://www.lonelyplanet.com/blog/2011/09/08/passports-a-perspective-from-phil-keoghan/ (Emphasis below, mine.)


Lonely Planet is featuring perspectives on the "importance of owning and using a passport" to celebrate the US National Passport Day on September 17.  The first guy out the dugout is Phil Keoghan, whom most of us know better as the host of the The Amazing Race (US).

I had my first passport when I was two years old. (My own daughter got her first passport when she was two weeks old.) By the time I was 12, I had traveled extensively through the Americas. I even flew by myself from the Caribbean back to New Zealand to attend boarding school. I got the travel bug early. Now every time I look up and see a plane in the sky, I dream of somewhere new.

It’s imperative that we get students curious and hungry about the world early. The most opportune time to travel is straight out of school, when you can just pack your bags and go. Travel is the most valuable education money can’t buy – an opportunity to be resourceful and learn lessons that will affect the way we live the rest of our lives.

As people grow older, they become more rigid in their ways of thinking. They make up more excuses. They make the assumption that they can only leave their house and go overseas if they have a lot of time and money. My whole philosophy is that imagination is your currency, not the money you have in your wallet.

Americans often tell me, ‘But we’ve got it all here. We’ve got ever (sic) culture.’ Americans do have a lot, but not everything. My favorite moments on The Amazing Race are when we have people who have never crossed the border, never owned passports, and never left their home state. When they end up in a place like India, it’s as if they’ve landed on another planet. There’s nowhere you can go in America that’s like Kolkata. This kind of experience gives you perspective, and a different understanding of the world.

Fear stops many of us from getting on planes. One of the things that excites me about The Amazing Race is that millions of viewers see everyday people in the Arab world, Asia and everywhere else doing acts of kindness for Americans. These are powerful images. The Amazing Race allows you to vicariously experience the world, but I promise you it’s better in person.

I’ve found out that having a passport ultimately isn’t so much about the places that it allows you to go as the people who want to share their world with you. When people travel, they do talk about the postcard images they’ve seen of, say, Patagonia, but what they really remember is the human connections they make.

I’ve always had a passport. In a true sense, it’s a ticket to your dreams. Travel is about immersing yourself in something new, allowing yourself to be a fish out of water and just trusting that things will work out. It may not be like home, but so what? It doesn’t have to be. It’s time to get lost. The world is waiting for you!

Of Weddings and Unintended Consequences

Photo courtesy of http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3d/Wedding_rings.jpg

This post will be in English.  Yes.  Strike three.  Almost fitting, if I'm going to be "out."  But I guess this is not the sort of outing that I was expecting.  Or maybe any of you are thinking.

I "lost" a best friend over the weekend.  Okay, so maybe lost is such a strong word.  Whatever the appropriate word is, one of my best friends got married.  This wasn't the first wedding I've ever attended.  Certainly not this year.  Heck, he was not even the first in our group of friends to get married.  And yet, there he was,  my best friend.  He used to be this awkward guy that everybody almost ignored.  But to me, he was the friend I sorely needed.  And that, he was.  And that night, he was the toast of the town.  I was proud.

Looking back, if I had told him earlier that I was coming, I think he would've asked me to give the toast for him.  I imagine what type of speech I would've given.  Something funny.  Something personal.  Something gut-wrenching and heartfelt.  And yet, I had to sit through some other guy talk about him and his relationship with a girl he barely even knew.  But that's all in the past.  I now look towards the future.

My friends, being the rowdy bunch that we are, kept on passing the ball, as it were, as to who would get married next.  I hadn't introduced a girl but I had reservations for two.  I should've been out of the picture.  But everybody kept harping on the possibility that I would be married next.  I agree with them wholeheartedly.  I'm ready to settle down.  It's just that, I really wanted it to be with a man.  But therein lies my problem.

I no longer hope that what I want is something that a guy can give me.  I was born and raised with a particular set of values.  I want a guy who understands that, and is willing to work with that.  And in my very core, I know that I can't change just like that.  After so long, I have yet to meet the guy who shares these same values.  I am not getting any younger.  Perhaps it is a just a pipe dream that such a guy exists.  If happiness is something that I can generate for myself without relying on externalities, I can be truly happy even with a "compromised" view of life.

Just like a bolt out of blue, tonight, I chanced upon Soltero's blog.  To be honest, earlier on, I avoided blogs like his like the plague.  I don't care for the sensationalized sex encounters or the blatant demonstrations of ego and libido.  I will keep further opinions to myself, as they hardly help further my point.  However, reading the last few entries, about his forays into the straight world, I couldn't help but feel that I understand where his sense of peace is coming from.

So what am I trying to say in this rambling post, exactly?  That I am back to where I started roughly 5 years ago.  I am back to the point where I said to myself, I may be like this, but I would still like to find a nice woman with whom I will build my family.  I will be the best father I can be.  I will provide for them.  I will lavish her with gifts and romance and all the best that I can muster.  I will strive to erase the habits the last 5 years have given me - meaningless glances, fabricated online personas, and forgotten names in my phone contact list.

Don't get me wrong.  I won't force it.  I'd still rather be forever single than be with somebody I don't love.  It's just that, this time, for the first time in 5 years, I'm more open than ever that my forever may not be with a guy.  It's not so bad.  Seriously.

Si Eba (HIVa)

Photo courtesy of https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOoeH4xhL7PkealRMqFhZcZdZNpkVe5vYRL-QlGvEmdZLG-G-DgQv2FAzDv8zLHGkoaf7f_q97MMEFbpAyWP0PIzTLUKMUMXtGUBI1G3HaI-U9TFKUvNajStLe_I_qbTHWJtis6u8QTdk/s1600/Candle+AIDS+ribbon%25281%2529.jpg

Nakakapraning na.  


Hindi parusang kamatayan ang maging positibo sa HIV sa panahon ngayon.  Pero, habang maaari pa, alagaan din naman natin ang ating sarili.


Listahan ng mga HIV Testing Centers sa Pilipinas - Ang mga Social Hygiene Clinics ay nagbibigay ng mga libreng HIV test.

Maging mapanuri.  Alamin ang tama at totoo.  Maging ligtas.  At higit sa lahat, para sa talagang sadyang di kaya pigilan ang pagiging makati, magpasuri.

Sana maagapan natin ito sa ating pagiging responsable.

Ang Paglalaho

Kuha ko ito.  Hindi ito ang pinakamaganda kong kuha kanina, pero pwede na rin. :)

Noong unang mga panahon, ang mga paglalaho ay itinuturing na hudyat mula sa mga diyos tungkol sa mga kaganapan o sakunang parating.  Ngayong umaga, bagamat hindi pa ako natutulog nang maayos, iniisip ko kung may pahiwatig nga ba ang paglalahong ito sa buhay ko.

Hindi naman talaga ako mahilig mag-abang sa mga paglalaho ng buwan man o araw.  Marahil, dahil noong bata pa ako, nakakita na ako ng isa, at naisip ko na pare-pareho lang naman yang mga yan.  Ngayon na medyo marunong na ako mag-isip nang kaunti, hindi rin pala pare-pareho ang mga paglalahong ito, dala na rin sa kung nasaan ka sa buhay mo nang nakita mo ito.

Kaya, ngayong umaga, inihanda ko ang camera ko at ang mga abubot nito, naghanap ako ng maayos na pwesto, at nagsimulang kumuha ng litrato.  Napaisip ako na, maganda sana kung may kasama ako habang naglilitrato.  May kakuwentuhan, kaasaran, at kahalili sa pag-ayos ng tripod at settings ng camera.  Pilit kong tanggalin ang mga kalokohang ito, at inatupag muli ang paglilitrato.

Maya't-maya, natakpan na ng mga ulap ang buwan, at naging mahirap na ang mga tinatangka kong mga kuha.  Nilapitan ako ng gwardiya.  Nagtanong-tanong siya.  Sumagot naman ako.  Konting kuru-kuro.  Nang kumapal na nang husto ang mga ulap, nag-ayos na ako ng gamit at bumalik sa kwarto.

Maganda ang paglalahong nasaksihan ko.  Bihira ka lang makakita ng pulang buwan.  Sa loob-loob ko, pawang nakaramdam ako ng kakaunting pag-asa sa aking paghahanap o paghihintay.  Ito na kaya ang pahiwatig ng buwan ngayong araw sa akin?  Marahil hindi.  Di naman kasi ito nakakapagsalita kaya walang kasiguraduhan.  Ang sigurado ako, sa susunod na paglalaho, nakaabang na ako muli.  At sana, pagdating ng araw na iyon, di na ako nag-iisa.

Wish Ko Lang

Photo courtesy of http://www.watchpinoytv.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/wish-ko-lang.jpg

Kalaban ko talaga ang pag-iisip. 

Kanina, maraming mga senaryo ang pumasok na naman sa isip ko.  Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1 - Paano kaya kung naging "straight tripper" ako?  May nabasa kasi ako sa isang forum na isang napaka-madamdaming pagdedepensa para sa mga kauri niya.  

"Why identify/label yourself as gay/bi if you don't get emotionally attracted to guys? If you don't believe in genuine same sex relationship? If you don't sleep with guys as frequently.

Kanya-kanyang opinyon naman yan so kung sa tingin nyo hypocrite or in denial yung mga tripper I respect that.

But admit the fact, there are guys out there who would sleep with a guy once in a blue moon. Say thrice a year. Kasi no offence I think bi/gay is a lifetime choice. It's a lifestyle. And a lot of people, especially youngsters made a mistake of identifying themselves as bi/gay kahit hindi naman. It's pre-mature.

So kaming mga trippers we believe na stage lang to it will pass. We will end up loving and marrying a woman in the end."

Himayin natin.  


Emotionally attracted ba ako sa guys?  Check.  
Naniniwala ba ako sa genuine same sex relationship?  Umm, sa panahon ngayon?  No. 
Ganun ba ako kadalas makipagsiping sa kapwa lalaki?  Hahaha.  No!


2 out of 3.  Pwedeng pwede na ako maging straight tripper.  Pak!


Sige, naiinggit ako dahil sa sinabi niya sa huli.  "We will end up loving and marrying a woman in the end."  Feeling ko, napaka-naive ng mga katagang ito, pero tingin ko rin naman, marami ang kagaya niya.  Yung isasantabi lang ang tawag ng laman, at babae pa rin ang pipiliin.  Sa ngayon kasi, di ko talaga kayang piliin ang babae.  Kahit pilitin ko man ang sarili ko.  


Naiisip ko na ito ay buhat na rin ng pagpapalaki sa akin.  Which brings me to number 2.


2 - Paano kaya kung "sex" lang ang habol ko?


Naisip ko na rin dati, "bad" boys have all the fun.  Alam nila ang gusto nila, at nakukuha nila ang gusto nila.  Walang cognitive dissonance.  


For one, sigurado, mas patok ang blog ko.  Pak!


Kaso, hindi talaga eh.  Mabilis ako mapagod sa ganun.  Maghahanap ako ng mas malalim na relasyon.  At, higit sa lahat, hindi talaga siya kakayanin ng konsiyensiya ko.  Oo, may konsiyensiya pa ako.  At kahit ilang beses pa ako makipagtalik, hinding hindi siguro mawawala yun.


3 - Paano kaya kung di na lang ako nag-iisip?


Siguro, di ko na iisipin kung bakit turn off sa akin ang mga taong hindi nag-iisip.  Siguro, okay lang sa akin ang mga mababaw at superficial na tao.  Siguro, kahit sino na lang na interesado, pinatulan ko na (basta pasado siya sa physical standards ko).  Siguro, imbes na humahaba ang panahon na single ako, eh dumarami naman ang mga lalaking nakarelasyon ko.


Pero, naisip ko rin, siguro, di ganito kasagana (Naks!  Masagana!) ang buhay ko.  Hindi rin ako makakaipon ng pwede ko panggastos sa sarili ko, sa mga luho ko, at pati na sa pagtulong sa kapwa.  


Minsan, wala nga naman talagang patutunguhan ang mga naiisip ko.  Pero, minsan, mahalaga din isipin kung bakit ko pinili ang mga pinili ko sa buhay.  Sa gayon, panatag ako na naging tama nga ang mga naging desisyon ko.


At sana, tuloy-tuloy na nga ito.

Magdiriwang Tayo

Photo courtesy of search.creativecommons.org

Dapat masaya ako ngayon.  Natapos na rin ang ilang buwang kalbaryo ko sa proyektong inasa sa aming pangkat.  Natapos ko rin ang mahigit isang linggong paghahalili sa mga kasama ko sa team (kahit na simula kanina, ako naman ang hahalili sa boss ko hanggang sa susunod na linggo).  At, higit sa lahat, nalaman ko kanina na na may matatanggap akong award.

Nung nalaman ko ito, ang una ko naisipang sabihan ang nanay ko.  Dati naman, mahilig sila makatanggap ng mga ganitong balita.  Ang unang sagot sa text ko ay, "Ah, so may ganun ka na naman?  Pang-ilan na ito?"  Nung sinagot ko pa lang saka ako nakatanggap ng text na, "Congratulations!  Libre mo kami ha?"

Parang ang tuyo ng dating sa akin ng pagbating ito.  Pakiramdam ko tuloy, di talaga sila lubusang natuwa (oo nga't natuwa pa rin kahit papaano) sa nangyari.

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Matagal na akong may isyu sa mga magulang ko tungkol dito.  High school pa lang ako nung una ko ito naramdaman.  At may nagawa na sila dati na kinapikunan ko talaga.  Pero ayoko mag-drama ngayon.  Dapat masaya ako.

Dapat.

Pero napaisip din ako eh.  Sa pagkakataong ito, wala man lang akong ibang nasabihan.  Hindi ko pinagsasabi ito sa mga kaibigan ko.  Marami kasi sa kanila mga kasama ko sa opis, at ayaw kong magkaroon ng inggitan pag nagkataon.  At muli kong naalala na wala pala akong kaibigan na maasahan sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.  Shet.  Drama ulit.  

Erase, erase.

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Kaya, mamarapatin ko na lang na magbahagi ng biyayang ito sa mga kapuspalad.  Siguro naman, mas mabibigyan nila ng halaga ang aking pagtulong.  

Noong bata-bata pa ako, meron na akong mga sinalihang mga grupo na tumutulong sa iba't ibang pangkat.  Susubukan kong manumbalik doon.  Pero mas mainam din kung may iba naman akong matulungan sa pagkakataong ito.

Sa mga iilang nagbabasa ng blog ko, meron ba kayong alam?

Palaisipan

Photo courtesy of https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdVEaqR-Tbx8U4qjmR3_-ntucbIThcOOz9PVbNxG8CE9qfb_FLF8cwWNlwzyhY-BZ0j5MZQIN4tPQYmzgus_NMj2TbRnfM0QlSzcwiWLEvxvLlgzQJSOwp60Ngoay6Y5jWyEcKmVd4417w/s1600/questions.gif

Nakakatawa.  Parang ayaw talaga mawala sa isip ko ang implikasyon ng aking nakaraang post, kaya hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko pa rin siya.  


Kung maaalala niyo, ang sinabi ko lang noon, pawang andami nang mga lalaki (online), na pawang di nag-iisip.  Sa aking pagmumuni-muni lalo, dumako ang aking pag-iisip sa isang napakamahalagang tanong: nasaan nga ba ang mga bading na disente at matatalino?


Naalala ko tuloy ang isang beses na ako'y nagchachat.  Sabi ng aking kausap, interesado lamang siya sa dalawang klase ng lalaki: ang may appeal, at ang matatalino.  Ang problema, madalas raw, ang mga may appeal eh saksakan naman ng babaw, at ang matatalino naman ay saksakan ang...sabihin na lang natin na, pangangailangan ng plastic surgery.  Ang yabang niya ano, hehe?  Sabagay, ilang taon ko na ring nakikita ang ad niya na di pa rin nagbabago.  Siguro nga, may point siya.  Or baka sadyang ilusyonada lamang.


Dahil si Google ang isa sa aking mga best friends, sinubukan kong alamin buhat sa kanya ang kasagutan sa aking tanong.  Ang mga sumusunod ang lumabas:


1 - Daing ng isang bading sa ibang bansa tungkol sa pakikipag-date sa mga lalaking "mababaw" at "walang modo" sa Ask Metafilter Forums: 


http://ask.metafilter.com/66373/I-dont-like-most-young-gay-guys-But-I-AM-one-of-them-Help

25 years old siya nung 2007, so ngayon malamang ay 29 na siya - halos magkasing-edad lang kami.

Nakakaaliw magbasa sa mga sumagot sa post niya.  May mga bading din na sumagot na ganun din ang reklamo.  May iba namang nagbigay ng magandang abiso tungkol sa paghahanap ng pwedeng magawa.  May mga iba, na siguro ka-wavelength ko (hehe), na nagbigay ng analysis, at nagsabing, siguro kahit straight man o bading ang isang 25 year old, ganun naman talaga ang kalalakihan.  


Isa sa mga pinaka-gusto kong sagot: "The early-mid 20's gay men I know seem more your style; they're graduate/medical students, and people involved in gay community/outreach activities. Think of what responsible smart young men are doing with their lives, and you'll find responsible smart gay young men doing those things."


Hello, Papa Illac?  Hehehe.  


2 - Isang Facebook fan page para sa mga matatalinong bading sa Pamantasan ng Pennsylvania:


http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2215988595

Oo nga't 13 lang sila (Melrose Place syndrome?), pero natuwa pa rin ako sa kanilang paanyaya: "Sick of being told you're too smart to date? Wonder why the boy working at the gym finds you intimidating? Want someone to teach you something for a change? Start talking to other Penn men! We've been chosen to be here for a reason, so lets start meeting."


3 - Isang Yahoo! Question tungkol sa pagiging matalino ng mga bading:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100327150610AAnfzEW

Napaka-seryoso ng kanilang talakayan.  Pero ang nakuha ko rito, marami ngang matatalino sa atin.  Yung isang sumagot nagbigay pa ng website, yung www.gayheroes.com, para ipakita ang angking galing ng ating mga kabaro.  Sa makatuwid, di naman dapat kasi ang tanong kung may matalinong bading.  Ang tanong, may matalinong bading ba na pwede maging kasama sa buhay hanggang tumanda?


Nitong nakaraang linggo, nakasama ko ang isang kaibigan sa hapunan.  


Sabi ko sa kanya, "Minsan, ayoko nang umasang matalino ang magiging partner ko.  Kahit simpleng tao lang na may mabuting puso, solb na."  


Sagot niya, "Di mo rin kayang tiisin yan nang matagal.  Balang araw, mababato ka rin kung di talaga kayo magkasundo sa pag-iisip."


May point siya.  Kaya ngayon, pinag-iisipan ko nang mabuti yung point nung sumagot sa unang website.  Kung wala man ako makilala dun na makapareha sa buhay, sana naman, nakatulong naman ako sa kapus-palad.  At sana, tuloy-tuloy na ito.

Ang Panata

Photo adapted from Celibacy Icons courtesy of http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2007/04/single-and-celibate.html

Minsan, mahirap magsalita ng tapos.  Mahirap mangako, mahirap pumanata.  Pero yun na nga siguro ang saysay ng buhay ng isang tao: ang mangibabaw sa mga balakid.

Sinimulan ko na rin ito nung buwan ng Pebrero.  At dahil isang buwan na ang nakalipas, maaari ko na rin siguro itong ilahad, kahit na "online" lamang.  Ako po ay magliliban sa pakikipagtalik. <Kaboom!>

Marahil, may mga tanong kayo.  Bakit, eh ang sarap sarap kaya?  Hanggang kelan ka naman magiging ganyan eh tigang ka na nga?  Paano pag dumating na ang isang lalaki, at gusto niya na mag-do kayo?

Bakit?  Oo nga, masarap siya.  Hindi naman ako ipokrito.  Kaya rin siguro mahirap siya gawin, at kaya rin siguro ako na-eganyong magpursigi.  Umabot na rin kasi ako sa point na nandidiri na ako sa sarili ko.  Hindi naman siguro ganun karami ang mga lalaking naikama ko.  Pero kahit na.  Sabi ko nga sa iba kong nakausap, ayokong umabot sa point na nakasiping ko na ang kalahati ng Metro Manila bago ko mahanap ang aking tadhana.

Hanggang kelan?  Subukan ko hanggang 6 na buwan.  Try lang.  Alam kong kaya ko pa ng mas matagal.  Pero unconscious naman yun eh.  Ito, conscious celibacy.  Bakit 6 na buwan?  Wala lang.  Random number lang.  

Paano pag dumating na ang isang lalaki sa buhay ko?  Ieexplain ko sa kanya.  Hanggang full on foreplay lang ang kaya ko.  Sa ibang salita, hanggang second base lang, kung aabot man dun.  Oo, sakit sa puso lang ang aabutin namin.  Pero naniniwala akong, kung di niya kayang tiisin yun, di siya ang hinahanap ko.  Move on na lang ulit ang drama ko.  Wala namang mawawala sa akin eh.

Ayan.  So good luck sa akin.  Marahil, magkakaroon ako ng posts sa hinaharap tungkol sa mga pagkakataong malapit na, o di kaya's tuluyan ko nang di natupad ang panatang ito.  Pero natutuwa naman ako at nanindigan pa rin ako.  Kahit papaano.  So, paano ba.  Sana, tuloy-tuloy na ito.