Sunday, December 18, 2011

Typhoon Sendong Relief


I have come out of my semi-retirement from blogging to encourage (rather, appeal to) everyone to spread the word and about how to help (not to mention actually help) the victims in the recent wake of Typhoon Sendong over Mindanao.

Just a few useful links:

Iligan Bloggers 

Philippine Red Cross and Cebuana Lhuillierhttps://www.facebook.com/phredcross/posts/338043636221052

Let's do something meaningful this Christmas.


Friday, October 7, 2011

Remembering Steve Jobs


I know not a few people who don't understand the world's fascination with Steve Jobs.

I can't say I'm a die hard Apple fan because I've always been more of a value-for-money kind of guy than a flashy gadget techie.  Despite that, I still own a couple of Apple products, both of which occupy a particularly meaningful place in my life.  But, really, it's more than just these products.

I'm affected by this man because he stands as the testament that one should never give up.  Life can throw you so many curve balls.  Sometimes, a few of those are bound to hit you.  And you pick yourself up each time.

He dropped out of college.  A lot of us would probably consider that a big failure.  But, he turned this into an opportunity.  He used his time studying calligraphy.  A pretty non-practical field of study, if you ask me.  He used this skill into making what was then a revolutionary typeface that eventually became the standard for fonts in computers when he co-founded Apple.

But, that was not the last of the curveballs to hit him.

In 1985, he was forced out of Apple because of disagreements over the company's strategy.  A lot of people counted him out then.  What can you do when you're forced out of something that you were responsible for?  His answer was, to create something new entirely.  He went on to acquire that money making machine we owe a lot of laughs (and a few tears too) that is called Pixar.  He also acquired a company called NeXT.  It was this move that would lead him back to the Apple boardroom when the merger of NeXT and Apple was finalized in 1997.

And we all know (somewhat) what happens next.

So, on behalf of those of us you have inspired, be it because of innovation or the sheer depth of your life, thank you, Steve.  You will be remembered.  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Why You Turn Up So Late?!!!

I really could have used something like this months ago.  I wonder if I asked somebody to fill this out now, would the answers satisfy me?  Probably not as much as the actual cuddling.  Hehehe.


In case you guys are in need of some human contact, here you go.  Happy cuddling, and let the applications begin!



Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Reconnection: A Joke


The descriptions were too uncanny to go unnoticed.  After an hour on the phone, we had stumbled on a strangely familiar topic.  This guy he once went out with reminded me of him.  Same car, same description, same background, same extraordinary (and apparently, memorable) gestures.  Yet, while I was memorable to him, he barely registered a blip on my radar.  

"Maybe you've met so many guys," he said.  Maybe I had.

He said he tried, but there was no connection.  We had gone out several times.  "Two or three times," he said.  Not registering.  Maybe if I saw him again.  I was getting frustrated.

"He gave me pastries," he said, "and a box of Nestle Cream.  I had told him that my mom had gone to the stores and they had run out because it was  the Christmas season.  He got some for me.  Who could forget that?"  The gesture was vaguely familiar.  The words registered in my head.  That does sound like something I would do.  But I don't recall who I did it for.

"He drove me home."  When he almost accurately described my car, I almost certainly knew that it was me sitting behind the steering wheel. But then, I don't remember picking him up in Ortigas.  I was not a fan of Ortigas back then, its streets proving to be more than enough challenge for my then fledgling sense of direction.  I don't remember ever bringing somebody home to his village in Paranaque.  I would've remembered.  I kept thinking about the routes I would've taken to try and joggle my sleeping memories.  I came up with nothing.  

We hung up without a promise to keep in touch.  It was getting awkward.  If it didn't work then, despite my being memorable, it wouldn't work now.   Besides, I would've remembered him if he was really something.  My memory may be failing me lately, but that is not something that I think I'd forget.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Congratulations UP Pep Squad!

Video courtesy of Youtube

Nothing comes close to igniting Isko/Iska UAAP pride than the UAAP Cheerdance Competition.  That, and well, maybe it appeals to the homosexual segment (though I have straight guy friends who are into it as well.)  

With a flawlessly-executed routine (and homage to the Queen of Pop) like this one, we can say that we all thought about bleaching our hair.  Even for just a while.

Good job UP Pep Squad!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Cheater Magnet


So I've been coming cross cheaters lately.  I'm not sure why.  If you knew me, you'd know that cheating is a pet peeve.  And yet, most of the guys I've been talking to these past few weeks/months have been cheaters.  I really don't mind as much as I did, back when I was actively looking for a relationship.  It's just a bit disconcerting to note this fact now.  Maybe I'm being given signs about fidelity in relationships?  Maybe I'm being reminded about loyalty?  Or maybe, just maybe, I'm meant to direct these guys to the right path.  If it's the last one, let me let out one big UGH.  Seriously.  I've had enough.


On a lighter note, in the words of Carmi Martin from the trailer of the upcoming Star Cinema film, No Other Woman: "Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo, maraming snatcher.  Maagawan ka.  Lumaban ka."


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Perspective

Photo from AJ's Twitter Account: http://a1.twimg.com/profile_images/1152005923/ajernie_reasonably_small.jpg

I never met AJ.  In fact, I hardly knew the guy.  Save for the fact that I read his blog, which was one of the first gay blogs I ever read.  I found him inspiring in a way especially since what he wrote about resonated with me.  I found out about his condition in MGG, one of the first gay blogs I read, too.  I don't remember where I found out that AJ had passed on.  All I know is that, I felt a certain sense of loss with his passing.  I know what I feel can't possibly compare to what his family and friends must be feeling.  Still, I would like to think that, like a "familiar stranger," he was a part of my life.

Before I move on, I would like to point out that his family is asking for volunteers to contribute to a fund for him.  Details can be found here: http://www.facebook.com/fundsforAJ?sk=info.  If you have something to spare, then please do contribute.  It will be much appreciated.

As I did not know AJ, I can't conceivably write a tribute.  Instead, I will focus on an aspect of his life that touched mine: his blog entries.  Today, I would like to recall something he wrote last year, just as he was about to turn 28.  He died two days shy of his 29th birthday this year.  This post is something that I have long held true.  Never mind that I will probably don't share his "over enthusiasm" for one's finer qualities.  The thought is still there.  With his passing, the search for love in my life has been given a whole new perspective.  AJ, when all this is no more than just a passing dream, I will shake your hand.


Why No One Wants to Date Me

I'm single and happy.  I'm single and it's a choice.  


I used to think that having a boyfriend was the be-all and end-all of my being gay.  I used to sleep around too much thinking that I would finally find that someone who can make me happy.  After  few failed relationships and used condoms, I finally found that person – MYSELF!
I have since realized that the only person who can give me happiness the way I want it, is no one else but myself. So now I’m overflowing with love and happiness – from myself, my friends and my family.  There is nothing wrong with being single.  I am a single, content, confident and happy woman, err man.


So here’s one thing I realized this year:  No one wanted to date me because I was so full of myself.  My online dating profiles intimidated many. Why, you ask?  Read the following contests (written in 2006) from one of my online profiles:


ABOUT ME
I just want to find that someone who can make me feel needed and wanted, while at the same time make me want and need him. I want to find that someone who can shut me up with a kiss whenever I go on rambling and talking relentlessly. I want to find that someone who can laugh at me and laugh with me. I want to find that someone who can tell me pointblank and in an in-your-face manner that I am wrong, if I ever am. I want to find that someone with whom I can face each and everyday with hope and a wanting for a brighter day ahead. And I just want to find that someone who, without any explanation, or beyond reason, can look me in the eye and tell me he loves me… (or that I am a jerk, if this need ever arises).
If you get bored easily with a hell of a lot of text, then you might wanna skip this. I talk a lot and I often speak my mind. I can be very shallow and extremely deep when it comes to conversations. I can talk about anything and everything under the sun (sometimes I make sense, sometimes I don’t.)
I have the tendency to want to be needed. Sometimes, I have the “Savior” complex. I just want to save the world, or at the very least, people. (But we all know this is not possible)
I am a man who:
*loves a good laugh
*is kept alive by humor
*believes that everything happens for a reason.
*is a people-pleaser
*loves subjecting self to martyrdom
*smokes. Lucky Strike Filters.
*can be a snob.but can be friendly at the same time.
*at times is a loner. but blends in with any group of people.
*loves coffee
*has no regrets in life
*is straight-acting and discreet
I am also a man who:
*hates liars and pretenders.
*hates people who ask for passwords when they can’t give you anything short of a g4m default no-pic profile site.
*f***ing hates missed calls.
*hates people who do not have face pics to offer (i have to see the facade that holds your brain. I wanna see your eyes so I may be able to see through to your soul)
*gives more value to a face picture than a naked one
*hates social climbers

And that’s just the About Me portion. I used to believe that I was so good a catch that I had the gall to require the people who asked me out to subscribe to my standards. Some of these things are still true about me until today. But now, I don’t really care much, if at all.
At one point in my life, I came to realize that the universe did not, does not, and will never revolve around me.  And that's when it finally hit me: no one wants to date an intimidating prick like I was before.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Being Undead, Gay, and Loving It


I'd been meaning to watch Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington ever since I chanced upon trailers of the movie in IRC many months back.  I visited the Facebook fan page dutifully, but there never was really an update as to when it will be shown.  Finally, I got wind of it again in Cinemalaya, but Cinemalaya 2011 came and went, (but I never did.  Sigh.) and I still hadn't caught the movie.  Thankfully, the movie proved enduringly popular enough for me to catch it when I did, which was already very very late in the game.

I really don't intend this to be a movie review.  I find the whole process of reviewing films (at least formally) a little too tedious for my taste.  Probably the many reports I had to do back in my student life left a poor taste in my mouth.  Anyway, I'd like to talk about what my expectations of the movie were, and how I feel, now that I have finally seen it on the big screen.

Early into the movie, I realized that this movie was slightly different from your typical comedy.  It began to seem like a veiled commentary on contemporary Philippine homosexuality.  From then on, I expected the movie to have a redeeming message.  Perhaps, say, one of equality and acceptance?  Eventually, the movie veered into related, yet somehow, indirect, territory.  And this is, also, where the spoilers start.  You have been warned.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Importance of Owning a Passport



(Reblogging from the Lonely Planet blog): http://www.lonelyplanet.com/blog/2011/09/08/passports-a-perspective-from-phil-keoghan/ (Emphasis below, mine.)


Lonely Planet is featuring perspectives on the "importance of owning and using a passport" to celebrate the US National Passport Day on September 17.  The first guy out the dugout is Phil Keoghan, whom most of us know better as the host of the The Amazing Race (US).
I had my first passport when I was two years old. (My own daughter got her first passport when she was two weeks old.) By the time I was 12, I had traveled extensively through the Americas. I even flew by myself from the Caribbean back to New Zealand to attend boarding school. I got the travel bug early. Now every time I look up and see a plane in the sky, I dream of somewhere new.
It’s imperative that we get students curious and hungry about the world early. The most opportune time to travel is straight out of school, when you can just pack your bags and go. Travel is the most valuable education money can’t buy – an opportunity to be resourceful and learn lessons that will affect the way we live the rest of our lives.
As people grow older, they become more rigid in their ways of thinking. They make up more excuses. They make the assumption that they can only leave their house and go overseas if they have a lot of time and money. My whole philosophy is that imagination is your currency, not the money you have in your wallet.
Americans often tell me, ‘But we’ve got it all here. We’ve got ever (sic) culture.’ Americans do have a lot, but not everything. My favorite moments on The Amazing Race are when we have people who have never crossed the border, never owned passports, and never left their home state. When they end up in a place like India, it’s as if they’ve landed on another planet. There’s nowhere you can go in America that’s like Kolkata. This kind of experience gives you perspective, and a different understanding of the world.
Fear stops many of us from getting on planes. One of the things that excites me about The Amazing Race is that millions of viewers see everyday people in the Arab world, Asia and everywhere else doing acts of kindness for Americans. These are powerful images. The Amazing Race allows you to vicariously experience the world, but I promise you it’s better in person.
I’ve found out that having a passport ultimately isn’t so much about the places that it allows you to go as the people who want to share their world with you. When people travel, they do talk about the postcard images they’ve seen of, say, Patagonia, but what they really remember is the human connections they make.
I’ve always had a passport. In a true sense, it’s a ticket to your dreams. Travel is about immersing yourself in something new, allowing yourself to be a fish out of water and just trusting that things will work out. It may not be like home, but so what? It doesn’t have to be. It’s time to get lost. The world is waiting for you!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Luha

Video courtesy of Youtube

Isang patak ng luha.
Maraming balahibong tumayo.


Sayang at ito na ang huling linggo na sila'y magsasama.  Pero salamat.  Salamat.  


Ang ganda.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Of Weddings and Unintended Consequences


This post will be in English.  Yes.  Strike three.  Almost fitting, if I'm going to be "out."  But I guess this is not the sort of outing that I was expecting.  Or maybe any of you are thinking.

I "lost" a best friend over the weekend.  Okay, so maybe lost is such a strong word.  Whatever the appropriate word is, one of my best friends got married.  This wasn't the first wedding I've ever attended.  Certainly not this year.  Heck, he was not even the first in our group of friends to get married.  And yet, there he was,  my best friend.  He used to be this awkward guy that everybody almost ignored.  But to me, he was the friend I sorely needed.  And that, he was.  And that night, he was the toast of the town.  I was proud.

Looking back, if I had told him earlier that I was coming, I think he would've asked me to give the toast for him.  I imagine what type of speech I would've given.  Something funny.  Something personal.  Something gut-wrenching and heartfelt.  And yet, I had to sit through some other guy talk about him and his relationship with a girl he barely even knew.  But that's all in the past.  I now look towards the future.

My friends, being the rowdy bunch that we are, kept on passing the ball, as it were, as to who would get married next.  I hadn't introduced a girl but I had reservations for two.  I should've been out of the picture.  But everybody kept harping on the possibility that I would be married next.  I agree with them wholeheartedly.  I'm ready to settle down.  It's just that, I really wanted it to be with a man.  But therein lies my problem.

I no longer hope that what I want is something that a guy can give me.  I was born and raised with a particular set of values.  I want a guy who understands that, and is willing to work with that.  And in my very core, I know that I can't change just like that.  After so long, I have yet to meet the guy who shares these same values.  I am not getting any younger.  Perhaps it is a just a pipe dream that such a guy exists.  If happiness is something that I can generate for myself without relying on externalities, I can be truly happy even with a "compromised" view of life.

Just like a bolt out of blue, tonight, I chanced upon Soltero's blog.  To be honest, earlier on, I avoided blogs like his like the plague.  I don't care for the sensationalized sex encounters or the blatant demonstrations of ego and libido.  I will keep further opinions to myself, as they hardly help further my point.  However, reading the last few entries, about his forays into the straight world, I couldn't help but feel that I understand where his sense of peace is coming from.

So what am I trying to say in this rambling post, exactly?  That I am back to where I started roughly 5 years ago.  I am back to the point where I said to myself, I may be like this, but I would still like to find a nice woman with whom I will build my family.  I will be the best father I can be.  I will provide for them.  I will lavish her with gifts and romance and all the best that I can muster.  I will strive to erase the habits the last 5 years have given me - meaningless glances, fabricated online personas, and forgotten names in my phone contact list.

Don't get me wrong.  I won't force it.  I'd still rather be forever single than be with somebody I don't love.  It's just that, this time, for the first time in 5 years, I'm more open than ever that my forever may not be with a guy.  It's not so bad.  Seriously.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Lambat

Video courtesy of Youtube

Ang So You Think You Can Dance na yata ang isa sa mga pinakapaborito kong Reality Shows.  Pero sa taong ito, naging masyado akong abala sa kung anu-ano na hindi ko man lang namalayan na nagsimula na pala sila ulit.  

Ang masaya nito, dalawang Pinoy (na lalaki) ang pumasok sa Top 20 sa season ngayon.  Sila ay si Tadd (na isang maayos din na mananayaw, tubong San Francisco), at si Marko, na nasa taas, tubong Guam.

Pero higit sa pagiging Pinoy ni Marko, napukaw ulit ang damdamin ko sa kantang ito ni Leona Lewis, na matagal ko na rin namang gusto pero nabaon ko na sa limot.

Ang masasabi ko lang, ang sarap sana kung may makantahan na rin ako ng kantang ito sa wakas.  Kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, sasaluhin ko siya.  Peksman.

I Got You
Leona Lewis

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you
Just get on the phone, I got you
Come and pick you up if I have to

What's weird about it is we're right at the end
I'm mad about it, just figured it out in my head
I'm proud to say I got you

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you, I got you

Ain't falling apart or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember
The cooling outdoor, when you're all alone
Won't survive it, no drama, no need for a show
Just wanna say I got you

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you

'Cause this is love and life
And nothing we can both control
And if it don't feel right
You're not losing me by letting me know

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better, for worse I got you

A place to crash, I got you
No need to ask, I got you

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Tiwala


Sabi nila, ang tiwala hindi hinihingi.  Ito'y binibigay nang kusa.  Kaya siguro mahirap na rin oras na nasiraa na ang tiwala.  Mahirap, o di kaya'y imposible nang buuin ito muli.

Nitong nakaraang linggo, may mga nakakausap ako na nagpaalala sa akin tungkol sa kahalagaan ng tiwala.

Yung isa, nagkaroon kami ng kuro-kuro tungkol sa pagbibigay ng pangalan.  Oo na't mahalaga ang pangalan sa pakikipagkilala.  Ang problema, maraming mga bagay ang nakakakabit sa pangalan.  Nariyang ang reputasyon.  Ang mga nagawang mabuti o masama man ng tao.  Nariyan yung tinatawag na personang pampubliko ng tao, ang pagpapakilala niya sa nakararami.  Pero, kung tutuusin, hindi ito nakakadagdag sa pagkilala mo sa tao.  

Para sa akin kasi, mahalaga na makilala mo yung tao muna.  Paano siya pag unguarded siya. Pag akala niya walang nakatingin.  Paano siya kausap.  Paano siya mag-isip.  Ito ang makakatulong sa pagkilatis mo kung siya ba yung tipong tao na gusto mo pang makilala nang lubusan.  Hindi na mahalaga kung ano ang tunay niyang pangalan.  Tsaka, sa panahon ngayon, oras na nakuha mo na ang pangalan ng tao, andali na lang para i-stalk siya gamit ang Google at kung ano pang mga pamamaraan.  Shino-shortcut mo ang pagkilala sa tao.  Hindi ito mainam.

Kaya napasok ang tiwala dito kasi nabanggit ng kausap ko na ibig sabihin lang nun, wala pa akong tiwala sa mga nakakausap ko.  Tama naman siya.  At doon ko nga unang nabanggit ang mga salitang, "Trust is not given.  It is earned."  Kunwari lang marunong ako mag-English.  Hehehe.  

Yung pangalawa naman, nag-uusap kami tungkol sa kanyang nakaraan.  At dito rin naman napatunayan ko na mahalaga talagang nakikilala mo ang tao, at hindi ang kanyang reputasyon lamang.  Sa pagkukuwento niya kasi, maayos ang kanyang buhay.  Nagtatrabaho kung saan marami siyang natutulungan.  Marangal ang kanyang pamumuhay.  Matalino din siya.  Masarap kausap.  At, higit sa lahat, matagal sila ng nakaraan niyang ex.  Umabot sila ng higit isang dekada.  Okay na talaga.  Nabubuhayan na ako ng loob na may pag-asa pa pala ang mga kagaya natin.  Hanggang sa tinanong ko kung bakit sila naghiwalay.

"Nagloko ako," sambit niya.  At doon na gumuho ang kanyang sandamakmak na pogi points sa aking paningin.  Ang pinakamahirap na gawin ng mga taong nagtaksil sa isang relasyon, para sa akin, ay ang malinawagan kung bakit sila nagtaksil.  Mabuti sana pag nalaman nila kung bakit.  Magagawan na nila ng paraan ito para hindi na maulit.  

Kaso, hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong nakikilalang cheater na nakapagpaliwanag sa akin ng ganun.  Madalas, ang mga nakakausap ko, ayaw na umulit dahil natatakot sila na masaktan ang kanilang mga magiging mahal sa buhay.  Okay ito pansamantala.  Kaso, pag dumating na naman ang pagkakataon (at malamang, darating talaga ito), at hindi pa nila nagagawan ng paraan ang dahil ng kanilang pagtaksil nang una, mas gagalingan na lang nila ang pagtatago ng pagtaksil.  

Tinanong ko ang kausap ko kung sa tingin niya maaulit pa ang pagtataksil niya, kung sakaling magkaroon siya ng bagong relasyon.  Sagot niya, "Hindi ko alam."  Hanga ako sa pagiging honest niya.  Pero hindi ito nakakatulong sa pagbabago niya.  Marahil, darating din ang oras na magbabago siya.  Sana.  Para na rin sa kanyang kapakanan.

Marahil isa yan sa mahabang listahan kung bakit ang tagal ko nang walang partner.  Idagdag mo na rin siguro diyan ang kawalan ko ng itsura at charm.  Hehehe.  Pero, mas pipiliin ko pa talagang maging single kaysa magkaroon ng relasyon na huwad.  Ke open man yan o closed.



Sunday, June 26, 2011

Isang Umaga


Di ako makatulog buong magdamag pagkatapos ng hagupit ni Falcon.  Kaya, nag-usap kami ng isang kapwa insomniac habang lumalim ang gabi, hanggang sa nagbukang-liwayway na nang tuluyan.

Bigla niya akong tinanong kung umuulan pa rin sa Makati.  Dumungaw ako sandali, at nakita ko na binabalot ng makapal na ulap ang mga matataas na gusali.  Natuwa ako sa aking nakita kaya kinuha ko ang aking camera at kinunan ito.

Kung naging maaga pa ako ng ilang sandali, baka mas makapal pa na ulap ang aking nakunan.  

Friday, June 24, 2011

Si Eba (HIVa)


Nakakapraning na.  


Hindi parusang kamatayan ang maging positibo sa HIV sa panahon ngayon.  Pero, habang maaari pa, alagaan din naman natin ang ating sarili.


Listahan ng mga HIV Testing Centers sa Pilipinas - Ang mga Social Hygiene Clinics ay nagbibigay ng mga libreng HIV test.



Maging mapanuri.  Alamin ang tama at totoo.  Maging ligtas.  At higit sa lahat, para sa talagang sadyang di kaya pigilan ang pagiging makati, magpasuri.

Sana maagapan natin ito sa ating pagiging responsable.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Bumabagyong Baguio

Hindi ko talaga maisip kung paano nangyayaring napapadalas ang aking pag-akyat ng Baguio.  Ngayong taon pa lang, nakaka-tatlong beses na ako.  At marahil, hindi ito ang huling pagkakataon na aakyat ako ngayong taon.  


Bakit ko naisipang umakyat?  Siguro, ito'y dala na rin ng pagkawala ng holiday ko dahil sa isang bagay sa trabaho.  Ang tagal tagal nang walang long weekend, tapos di pa ako makakalakwatsa!  Kaya, habang nag-uusap kami ng isang kaibigan ko tungkol sa pag-aalmusal, nabuo ang naturang plano.  Buti naman at kaladkarin si kaibigan.  Hindi pa kasi siya nakakaakyat ng Baguio, at dahil nga, wala akong holiday kinabukasan, balikan lang (oo na, ambisyoso ako).


Para naman hindi masayang ang pagkakataon, nagyaya ako ng ilang blogger para sumama.  Yung isa, marahil kilala niyo na kung sino dahil nauna pa siyang mag-post sa akin.  Hehehe.


At dahil nga, travel blog naman dapat ito, ito ang aking mga napala sa pagkakataong ito:


Tinatanaw ng ulo ng leon (Lion's Head) ang mga ulap sa Baguio.


Mongolian Barbecue-all-you-can sa O Mai Khan.  Score!


Di raw siya tatagal (at hindi nga talaga tumagal) 
Nawawalang Sementeryo ng Pagka-Nega (Negativity?  Wahahaha!), Kampo John Hay

Sisihin mo raw siya - Nawawalang Sementeryo ng Pagka-Nega, Kampo John Hay


Maligayang pagdating sa Bahay Bell, Kampo John Hay


Ang Teatro Bell (Bell Amphitheater), Kampo John Hay


Tsokolate sa Choco-Late' de Batirol, Kampo John Hay

Ang Bahay Mansion (Mansion House) ng Presidente ng Pilipinas


Liwasang Wright


Ina ng Pagsisisi (Our Lady of Atonement), Katedral ng Baguio

Natuwa naman ako at medyo nakakabisa ko na ang mga pasikot-sikot sa Baguio.  Napantayan ko rin pati, ang pinakamabilis kong pag-akyat at pagbaba sa Baguio.  Partida, bumabagyo pa ng mga panahong ito, at ang kapal ng ulap dala na rin ng ulan.  Ngayon, tinatamasa ko na naman ang mga nabili ko sa Kumbento ng Good Shepherd.  Salamat na rin sa aking mga kasama.  Sa uulitin! 

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ang Paglalaho

Kuha ko ito.  Hindi ito ang pinakamaganda kong kuha kanina, pero pwede na rin. :)

Noong unang mga panahon, ang mga paglalaho ay itinuturing na hudyat mula sa mga diyos tungkol sa mga kaganapan o sakunang parating.  Ngayong umaga, bagamat hindi pa ako natutulog nang maayos, iniisip ko kung may pahiwatig nga ba ang paglalahong ito sa buhay ko.


Hindi naman talaga ako mahilig mag-abang sa mga paglalaho ng buwan man o araw.  Marahil, dahil noong bata pa ako, nakakita na ako ng isa, at naisip ko na pare-pareho lang naman yang mga yan.  Ngayon na medyo marunong na ako mag-isip nang kaunti, hindi rin pala pare-pareho ang mga paglalahong ito, dala na rin sa kung nasaan ka sa buhay mo nang nakita mo ito.

Kaya, ngayong umaga, inihanda ko ang camera ko at ang mga abubot nito, naghanap ako ng maayos na pwesto, at nagsimulang kumuha ng litrato.  Napaisip ako na, maganda sana kung may kasama ako habang naglilitrato.  May kakuwentuhan, kaasaran, at kahalili sa pag-ayos ng tripod at settings ng camera.  Pilit kong tanggalin ang mga kalokohang ito, at inatupag muli ang paglilitrato.

Maya't-maya, natakpan na ng mga ulap ang buwan, at naging mahirap na ang mga tinatangka kong mga kuha.  Nilapitan ako ng gwardiya.  Nagtanong-tanong siya.  Sumagot naman ako.  Konting kuru-kuro.  Nang kumapal na nang husto ang mga ulap, nag-ayos na ako ng gamit at bumalik sa kwarto.

Maganda ang paglalahong nasaksihan ko.  Bihira ka lang makakita ng pulang buwan.  Sa loob-loob ko, pawang nakaramdam ako ng kakaunting pag-asa sa aking paghahanap o paghihintay.  Ito na kaya ang pahiwatig ng buwan ngayong araw sa akin?  Marahil hindi.  Di naman kasi ito nakakapagsalita kaya walang kasiguraduhan.  Ang sigurado ako, sa susunod na paglalaho, nakaabang na ako muli.  At sana, pagdating ng araw na iyon, di na ako nag-iisa.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Kaibigan


Kloseta ako.  Meron akong mga malalapit na kaibigan, pero hindi nila alam na ganito ako.  Isa sa kanila ay bading.  Ang siste, di niya yata tanggap sa sarili niya na bading siya.  Pero wala naman nang nagtatanong kung bading siya dahil ang alam ng karamihan eh ganun na nga siya.  At, kung magkasama man kami, di talaga napag-uusapan ang tungkol dun.  Siya na rin ang nagsabi, di pa raw siya kumportable na pag-usapan ang mga ganyang bagay.

Mula noong natanggap ko ang pagiging ganito ko, dalawang tao lang na parte ng buhay ko ang nasabihan ko.  Sila ay PLU din.  Ang una, isang kaibigan na ngayon ay nasa ibang bansa na.  Marahil, naisip niya na dumadaan lang ako sa isang phase noon, kasi, noong pinakilala niya ako sa mga kaibigan niyang PLU rin nung huli akong bumisita, ako raw ang "straight college friend" niya.  O baka naman ikinakahiya lang niya ang itsura ko, kasi di ako mukhang beki.  Hahaha!  Ang pangalawa naman na pinag-aminan ko ay ang taong naging ex ko.  Dahil sa mga kaganapan noong nakaraang mga taon na humantong sa pagbasted ko sa kanya, hindi na kami masyado nag-uusap ngayon.

Pero mula noon, hanggang ngayon, marami akong nakakasalamuha.  Yung iba mga naging ka-date ko.  Dahil nga naman single pa rin ako hanggang ngayon, hindi nakapagtataka na wala ako kinakausap sa kanila ngayon.  Yung iba, tawag lang ng laman ang pakay namin pareho noon.  Kaya hanggang doon lang ang kwento nila.  Pero, paminsan-minsan, may mga tao din naman na maituturing kong kaibigan na pumapasok sa buhay ko. Ang problema lang ay walang nagtatagal sa mga ito.  

Yung iba, oras na nagkajowa, wala ka na maririnig.  Pag nagkaproblema sa jowa, saka mo lang sila makakausap ulit.  Okay lang ito, pero hindi mo sila maaasahan na damayan ka pag kailangan mo sila.  

Yung iba, kunwari, kaibigan ang pakay, yun pala, iba.  Ang problema dito, kahit malinaw naman ang usapan niyo na kaibigan lang talaga ang hanap mo, nagiging kasalanan mo pa tuloy kung bakit di na kayo nag-uusap (dahil nga, ayaw mong nilalandi ka niya).  Pwede rin namang hindi niya sinadyang mahulog ang loob niya sayo, pero naman, kung hindi ka interesado, wag naman niya sana masamain ito.  Tutal, kaibigan lang talaga ang pakay niyo noong simula.

Ewan ko ba.  Dahil ba sadyang "straight" ang mundong ginagalawan ko, kaya ako hirap magkaroon ng matalik na baklang kaibigan na alam na ganito ako?  Di kaya dahil may subconscious competition na nagaganap sa amin, kaya mas kampante ako sa kaibigang mga straight?  O dahil lang, marami sa atin talaga, hindi kaibigan ang hanap, kundi partner in life?  Hindi ba pwedeng kaibigan na lang ang kasama natin sa pagtanda?

Ewan.  Naguguluhan lang talaga ako.  Yun lamang po.  Bow.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Masungit


Masungit daw ako.

Matagal ko nang hindi maintindihan kung bakit napakarami ang nagsasabi nito.  Ang buong akala ko kasi, masiyahin akong tao, at bibihira lang ako nagiging bugnutin.  

Ang napapansin ko, lagi akong nasasabihang masungit pag nagtetext, o nagcha-chat.  Hindi pa yata ako nasasabihang masungit kapag nakikipag-usap sa telepono o sa personal.  

Marahil, nandun na rin ang pagpili ko ng mga salita.  Di kaya, ang pag-aayos ko ng mga pangungusap.  Maaari rin nga dahil hindi ako madalas gumagamit ng emoticon/smiley.

At dahil diyan, tumatak na sa isip ko na masungit nga talaga siguro ako.  Masungit, pero hindi sinasadya.  Eh nakasanayan ko na kasi, kaya mahirap nang i-review ang mga tina-type, at lalong walang oras na minsan para i-review ang mga ito.

Kaya, laking gulat ko na lang ngayong umaga, nang nakaramdam ako na ang isa kong kausap sa YM ay parang nagsusungit.  Hindi naman daw siya nagsusungit.  Hindi ko rin naman lubusang maipaliwanag nang mabuti kung bakit naramdaman ko na nagsungit siya.  Wala rin ako maimungkahi para baguhin niya ang sinabi niya upang hindi na ito maging masungit.  

Siguro naramdaman ko lang yun dulot na rin ng pagod, at pagkapuyat.  Ang alam ko lang, hindi naging maganda ang pakiramdam ko nun.  Para akong inaaway nang wala naman akong ginawa.  Natutunan ko rin na, madalas, ang mga ganitong pakiramdam, marahil ay guni-guni lamang at hindi pawang katotohanan.  

O baka, dahil kabado lang ako sa mga gagawin ko ngayong araw.  Mukhang masarap ang tulog ko nito mamaya.  Hehehe.